Hallelujah!!!

By a vote of 45 to 151, the Massachusetts legislature has defeated an amendment to ban same-sex marriage in their state constitution. They needed 50 votes to get the measure on a statewide ballot for voters to approve a constitutional amendment that would take away rights that have already been granted. I have to say, I'm a bit surprised. Unlike my hubby, I'm much more pessimistic when it comes to the Christianists and homophobes efforts to enshrine their bigotry in law. Homophobia, I believe, is much more visceral and prevalent in the American psyche than many in the gay community would like to believe. We often think that America is less racist, less intolerant, more accepting. I think that is true to some extent, but, when kids still call each other faggots when they wish to insult, and the press ignores stories of gay bashings, and churches are allowed to push their religious views in government, I think we have a long way to go and society has a lot to learn. We're getting there. Itty bitty step by itty bitty step. My friends say I'm too impatient. Another minute in second-class citizenship status is too long in my opinion.

In our state, we passed a domestic partnership bill, watered down from civil unions because it would be more "palatable". I think this is a great, progressive step, but I do take issue with having to settle for a luke-warm civil right when it's still 2nd class citizenship. Don't get me wrong, I agree with the author of "The Quiet Gay Revolution"that we have made some serious progress in the last decade on equality in American society. I just think that we're spending too much energy on playing the "let's not shock others" game in an effort to please everyone. There comes a point when walking on eggshells around the elephant in the room is a bit ridiculous! It took me a long time to understand the proud chant, we're here, we're queer, get used to it! I feel that more and more. Meanwhile, our domestic partnership law is now being fought by some more bigots who want to interfere in something that doesn't affect them in the least. They are mounting a ballot initiative campaign to overturn this law. If they gather the signatures, I think they need 50,000, then the law will be delayed from implementation in January 2008 until it can be voted on in the November 2008 elections. The consensus is that they will indeed get the signatures. Like the last anti-gay ballot initiative, the signature gatherers set up tables at various bigot churches around the state. After leaving the Sunday worship service of your choice where they teach about the love of God, you can stop by and show your hate filled soul by signing the initiative petition. Why is it legal for churches like this to sponsor any political initiative campaign at all? Why do they get to influence elections issues and keep their tax-free status? I want to ask straight folks if I can vote on your marriage? Frustration is not the word for what I feel. It's actually a simmering rage. Now do you understand why I'm a bit more than impatient?


Arthur Silber has another wonderful essay posted on his blog yesterday. It gives a perspective of his own growing up as a gay man . He is a little older than me, but his experiences are similar to my own. He is right, most people don't realize the near constant hurt that our society exerts on those of us who are gay/lesbian. We are reminded in almost every magazine, TV show, newspaper article, movie, media commercials, that we are on the outside. Our feelings, our opinions, our contributions are not so much hated, though they are often hated, but invisible. It's getting better. Things are not as hostile as they used to be. The mainstream media still trots out the Jerry Falwells (good riddance to bad, Christianist bigot rubbish!) and Rick Santorum. At least they are discussing the issue. Whenever, topics like same-sex marriage come up in the news, like the recent vote in Massachusetts it's less sensational than it used to be. It's now just mentioned briefly in passing, while the issue of Paris Hilton's jail experience is SO much more important and needs to be reported on, photographed and updated on an hourly basis! To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

So, I take a big breath, relax, smile and remember that somewhere in the U.S. it is legal to be married to my husband. Way to go Massachusetts!!!!!

P.S. My husband and I are celebrating 3 years of marriage this week. Another hallelujah moment!!

Citizen Second-Class

I have to stop myself from getting too negative when I read the news. I read stories like this and I wonder if I'll ever be a full citizen in this country. People everywhere seem hell-bent on ensuring that I remain a second class citizen. They argue over rights/liberties that don't affect them. Whenever talking-heads of the media debate same-sex marriage or equal protection under the law for gay citizens I almost never hear real questions that need to be asked. Many on the right say they need to "defend marriage". My question is, defend it from what? After our wedding a few years ago I checked in with our next door neighbors, a heterosexual couple. I asked them if our getting married affected their marriage in any way? They said absolutely not. I asked them if same-sex marriage had been legal in the USA at the time of their wedding, would they have had second thoughts about getting married themselves? Their replied again, absolutely not. There have been no divorces among the neighbors that we know since our wedding. In fact, the son of one couple down the street married last summer. He married in Paris to a French woman. I don't know, maybe he felt he needed to get married in France because the proximity to us would be detrimental to his own relationship? I doubt it.

This young man's French marriage is valid in America, yet our Canadian marriage is not. Most people, I think, don't understand that it's not just a piece of paper. Legal, civil marriage comes with rights and responsibilities. If my spouse (heaven forbid!) fell ill and rushed to the hospital, I have no right to see him. We pay more taxes because we have to file as single people. A 50% inheritance tax would be imposed because we are not related by marriage. Involvement in a law-suit by one of us, means that the other could be compelled to testify against him. And the list goes on and on. Over 1000 rights and responsibilities come with marriage. You can learn more about the issue here.

Leaving all the legal, civil rights and religious stuff aside for a moment, I would love to hear a journalist ask the rabid Christian-right spokespeople: How does this issue affect you personally besides being against your religious beliefs? After all, those of us truly affected live in your neighborhoods now, our children learn in the same schools as yours, and we shop along side you in the grocery store every day. A civil marriage contracts between two people and nobody else. I would certainly never tell the neighbor couple next door that they should not be able to see each other in the hospital or provide health insurance benefits for the other because I don't like their relationship. That idea is ludicrous!

Meanwhile convicted felons marry and I can't. Britney Spears marries in Las Vegas on a lark for 55 hours and then dissolves it. Donald Trump can get married once, twice even three times. Newt Gingrich, the former congressman and "Family Values" Republican gets married, announces divorce to his first wife while she undergoes cancer treatment in hospital, marries again only to divorce his second wife and remarry a third time to a woman rumored to be his lover in an on-going extra-marital affair. Yeah, making me a second-class citizen is very important so we can "defend" the "sacred" institution of marriage.