I recently experienced an ordinary event which I realized later was actually quite extraordinary. I met a family, two parents and a 3 year old boy. I’ll call the couple C and D. Their bright, blond-haired little boy had come from an abusive home. It seems that his birth-parents had been pretty nasty folks. They may have been the natural, biological mom and dad, but there was nothing natural about them. Their idea of calming the baby was to choke him and the birth father even kicked him in the ribs when he was 18 months old. It makes me really wonder if there shouldn’t be a license for parenting In this case, the father was hauled off to jail. Personally, I think any grown man who would kick in the ribs of an 18-month old baby should be shot. But that’s my opinion.
C and D couldn’t be better parents. We were in a restaurant and they were very attentive but firm with their son. They gave him lots of attention and listened to him whenever he had something to say. The little boy being able to talk was a miracle in itself. When they first brought him home, the tyke was afraid to make a sound. His biological parents were brutal if he made so much as a peep. He had learned to remain perfectly quiet and still. At 18 months old he had not achieved development much past that of a 2 month old. Once he realized that communicating was okay, he would get frustrated because he could not verbalize what he needed or wanted. C and D decided to teach him deaf sign language while he was learning to speak. They quickly realized just how bright this child was. He rapidly learned the signs he needed and even in learning to speak, he has surprised his teachers in how quickly he is catching up to other children his age. At 3 years old, he now is a very happy little boy,
I have personally witnessed how so-called traditional families treat their children, letting them run up and down the aisles at restaurants and grocery stores. They allow the kids to treat others with contempt and rudeness. They ignore them even as they scream and cry for their parent’s attention. When I was in Utah a few months ago, I was reminded of just how chaotic it is to go to a restaurant while kids are running around, dodging servers with trays of hot food and mom and dad haven’t a care in the world.
C and D are not those kind of parents at all. They lovingly watch their son, not allowing him to bang utensils on the table but instead took out a toy to distract him. They encouraged him to try all the food on his plate and they were constantly teaching him to verbalize his needs and wants. They had him learn the names of everyone at the table which helps him develop his speech. They included him in the conversation as much as possible. I have seldom seen such loving parents. It was an amazing experience.
So why do I tell you all this and why is it so amazing? To this little boy C and D are “Daddy” and “Papa”. Yes, they are two men. There are many out there, mostly Christianists like the Catholic church in Massachusetts, who would rather have a child languish in an institution or be passed from one foster-family to another than allow a gay or lesbian couple to adopt a child. C and D certainly did not have to adopt this precocious little guy. They were taking on a child that had some severe physical and emotional problems. This little lad was very healthy and happy. He was devoted to both men and they to him. At one point, one of the dads said that he would do anything for his son. He said it with a fierce protectiveness that showed in his eyes.. Someone told me once that adoptive families are often the most loving. Anyone can conceive a child, many do so by accident, but adopted children are being raised by people who truly want to take on the awesome responsibility. I am truly in awe of C and D. My admiration knows no bounds and I wish them all the best that life has to offer, and I personally will continue to fight that their family and others are protected. Denying such a family basic civil rights like marriage, insurance benefits and the right to adopt because of particular religious beliefs is frankly un-American in my opinion.
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