Hallelujah!!!

By a vote of 45 to 151, the Massachusetts legislature has defeated an amendment to ban same-sex marriage in their state constitution. They needed 50 votes to get the measure on a statewide ballot for voters to approve a constitutional amendment that would take away rights that have already been granted. I have to say, I'm a bit surprised. Unlike my hubby, I'm much more pessimistic when it comes to the Christianists and homophobes efforts to enshrine their bigotry in law. Homophobia, I believe, is much more visceral and prevalent in the American psyche than many in the gay community would like to believe. We often think that America is less racist, less intolerant, more accepting. I think that is true to some extent, but, when kids still call each other faggots when they wish to insult, and the press ignores stories of gay bashings, and churches are allowed to push their religious views in government, I think we have a long way to go and society has a lot to learn. We're getting there. Itty bitty step by itty bitty step. My friends say I'm too impatient. Another minute in second-class citizenship status is too long in my opinion.

In our state, we passed a domestic partnership bill, watered down from civil unions because it would be more "palatable". I think this is a great, progressive step, but I do take issue with having to settle for a luke-warm civil right when it's still 2nd class citizenship. Don't get me wrong, I agree with the author of "The Quiet Gay Revolution"that we have made some serious progress in the last decade on equality in American society. I just think that we're spending too much energy on playing the "let's not shock others" game in an effort to please everyone. There comes a point when walking on eggshells around the elephant in the room is a bit ridiculous! It took me a long time to understand the proud chant, we're here, we're queer, get used to it! I feel that more and more. Meanwhile, our domestic partnership law is now being fought by some more bigots who want to interfere in something that doesn't affect them in the least. They are mounting a ballot initiative campaign to overturn this law. If they gather the signatures, I think they need 50,000, then the law will be delayed from implementation in January 2008 until it can be voted on in the November 2008 elections. The consensus is that they will indeed get the signatures. Like the last anti-gay ballot initiative, the signature gatherers set up tables at various bigot churches around the state. After leaving the Sunday worship service of your choice where they teach about the love of God, you can stop by and show your hate filled soul by signing the initiative petition. Why is it legal for churches like this to sponsor any political initiative campaign at all? Why do they get to influence elections issues and keep their tax-free status? I want to ask straight folks if I can vote on your marriage? Frustration is not the word for what I feel. It's actually a simmering rage. Now do you understand why I'm a bit more than impatient?


Arthur Silber has another wonderful essay posted on his blog yesterday. It gives a perspective of his own growing up as a gay man . He is a little older than me, but his experiences are similar to my own. He is right, most people don't realize the near constant hurt that our society exerts on those of us who are gay/lesbian. We are reminded in almost every magazine, TV show, newspaper article, movie, media commercials, that we are on the outside. Our feelings, our opinions, our contributions are not so much hated, though they are often hated, but invisible. It's getting better. Things are not as hostile as they used to be. The mainstream media still trots out the Jerry Falwells (good riddance to bad, Christianist bigot rubbish!) and Rick Santorum. At least they are discussing the issue. Whenever, topics like same-sex marriage come up in the news, like the recent vote in Massachusetts it's less sensational than it used to be. It's now just mentioned briefly in passing, while the issue of Paris Hilton's jail experience is SO much more important and needs to be reported on, photographed and updated on an hourly basis! To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

So, I take a big breath, relax, smile and remember that somewhere in the U.S. it is legal to be married to my husband. Way to go Massachusetts!!!!!

P.S. My husband and I are celebrating 3 years of marriage this week. Another hallelujah moment!!

Extraordinary from the Ordinary

I recently experienced an ordinary event which I realized later was actually quite extraordinary. I met a family, two parents and a 3 year old boy. I’ll call the couple C and D. Their bright, blond-haired little boy had come from an abusive home. It seems that his birth-parents had been pretty nasty folks. They may have been the natural, biological mom and dad, but there was nothing natural about them. Their idea of calming the baby was to choke him and the birth father even kicked him in the ribs when he was 18 months old. It makes me really wonder if there shouldn’t be a license for parenting In this case, the father was hauled off to jail. Personally, I think any grown man who would kick in the ribs of an 18-month old baby should be shot. But that’s my opinion.

C and D couldn’t be better parents. We were in a restaurant and they were very attentive but firm with their son. They gave him lots of attention and listened to him whenever he had something to say. The little boy being able to talk was a miracle in itself. When they first brought him home, the tyke was afraid to make a sound. His biological parents were brutal if he made so much as a peep. He had learned to remain perfectly quiet and still. At 18 months old he had not achieved development much past that of a 2 month old. Once he realized that communicating was okay, he would get frustrated because he could not verbalize what he needed or wanted. C and D decided to teach him deaf sign language while he was learning to speak. They quickly realized just how bright this child was. He rapidly learned the signs he needed and even in learning to speak, he has surprised his teachers in how quickly he is catching up to other children his age. At 3 years old, he now is a very happy little boy,

I have personally witnessed how so-called traditional families treat their children, letting them run up and down the aisles at restaurants and grocery stores. They allow the kids to treat others with contempt and rudeness. They ignore them even as they scream and cry for their parent’s attention. When I was in Utah a few months ago, I was reminded of just how chaotic it is to go to a restaurant while kids are running around, dodging servers with trays of hot food and mom and dad haven’t a care in the world.

C and D are not those kind of parents at all. They lovingly watch their son, not allowing him to bang utensils on the table but instead took out a toy to distract him. They encouraged him to try all the food on his plate and they were constantly teaching him to verbalize his needs and wants. They had him learn the names of everyone at the table which helps him develop his speech. They included him in the conversation as much as possible. I have seldom seen such loving parents. It was an amazing experience.

So why do I tell you all this and why is it so amazing? To this little boy C and D are “Daddy” and “Papa”. Yes, they are two men. There are many out there, mostly Christianists like the Catholic church in Massachusetts, who would rather have a child languish in an institution or be passed from one foster-family to another than allow a gay or lesbian couple to adopt a child. C and D certainly did not have to adopt this precocious little guy. They were taking on a child that had some severe physical and emotional problems. This little lad was very healthy and happy. He was devoted to both men and they to him. At one point, one of the dads said that he would do anything for his son. He said it with a fierce protectiveness that showed in his eyes.. Someone told me once that adoptive families are often the most loving. Anyone can conceive a child, many do so by accident, but adopted children are being raised by people who truly want to take on the awesome responsibility. I am truly in awe of C and D. My admiration knows no bounds and I wish them all the best that life has to offer, and I personally will continue to fight that their family and others are protected. Denying such a family basic civil rights like marriage, insurance benefits and the right to adopt because of particular religious beliefs is frankly un-American in my opinion.

United States of Fear

I've been struck by how Americans love to be afraid. Just listening to the reports of the latest bomb plot at JFK on CNN you would think that a major disaster was narrowly averted. In reality, while the bumbling fools who were planning it seriously talked about what they were doing, they had not even thought through all the facts. Causing jet fuel tanks to explode would be difficult, since it is designed not to explode. The would-be terrorists did not even have the explosive devices yet, and as the breathless investigation officials admitted, it wasn't even to the operational stage. In fact they got their idea to create this terror project from an FBI informant. A case of wagging the dog?

Fear is everywhere in our culture. We are so afraid to live life. Recently a family member asked me if I was going to be traveling overseas any time soon. They were concerned that the risk of being a victim of terrorism would rise significantly if I were to travel. I had to remind this person of just how many acts of terror we have seen in the last 6 years. Think about it. The odds of being in a car accident in your own home town are much greater.

I know the feeling though, worrying about the future. I'm a big worrier and I've always projected what might happen into the future instead of living in the now. I'm trying to be more mindful of living in the now. I recently read some interesting information on Buddhism which advocates living in the now, being mindful of what is instead of what could be. Interesting concept and it makes you think. I've had to learn that more and more over the last six years of the current Bush administration. There are things you can do/change and others you have no control over. Recognizing what that is has been a hard lesson to learn for me.

I guess it's a lesson that Americans as a whole are having to learn. I find it interesting that their response to fear tactics has grown more and more tepid. Having your government lie to you over and over again is a painful way to learn that lesson.