Can't we all just get along?

I saw the best bumper sticker today:

"I like your Christ.
I do not like your Christians.
Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." ~ Ghandi

I never saw that one before and it is at once both humorous and wise. Mahatma Ghandi never minced his words. I've experienced those words myself. Even before I came out I remember being recipient of the ABUNDANCE of "unconditional love" (insert sarcasm here) that is the legacy of Christianity. Many a Sabbath day I sat in Sunday school listening to teachers tell me that we should always practice unconditional love and charity. I grew older and saw what that really meant to self-described "Christians". Unwed, pregnant teenagers are shunned. Young people choosing not to fulfill the inevitable priesthood calling ,military service or marriage are judged, outcasts. Divorced couples are lepers. Those questioning church teachings are disfellowshipped or excommunicated. How does a church authority figure of human origin become the decider of who God severs contact with? I'm not knocking people's beliefs, if that is what they want to believe and it brings them fulfillment. As for myself I took less and less of the things I was taught at face value and I examined them for myself. Being told I was "scum" by a "nice" man of the church after I came out as a gay man didn't help either. It was then that I knew you can only tell a man by his deeds and not by his words.

I remember once watching a neighbor in my home town, a man of seniority and respect in the church, go out and savagely beat the family dog who was barking. The poor creature,largely ignored by his family, was chained to a far corner of their property once he was no longer a cute puppy. Thankfully that dog was adopted by some of the finest Christians that I know who have always given unconditional love. Their example is few and far between. In our nation today I see lots of the former example rather than the latter who are so involved with telling everyone else how they should live while they themselves have a lot to answer for. Their priorities are skewed. They insert themselves in end-of-life decisions that are deeply private family matters. They attempt to force church doctrine into public schools, insisting that their brand of religious belief is correct for everyone. They obtain public funding for charity outreach but turn away those they feel do not fit their ideology. Meanwhile we have real problems in this country that they are abundantly qualified to help: poverty, homelessness, abused families, people with untreated mental health issues and children becoming involved in gang violence, to name just a few. It is much more important to these churches to demand compliance of everyone to their religious beliefs. If someone doesn't like gay marriage then they shouldn't marry someone of the same gender. If abortion is objectionable, don't have one and give children the tools to make good decisions to prevent them in the first place. If embryonic stem-cell research bothers, then address the people making thousands of frozen embryos, only to use one or two and discarding the rest . Many of these fertility patients I might add are members of the very churches that are fighting this issue. Meanwhile I'd like to hear a good explanation why someone who is dying, sick or disabled must suffer as research is literally thrown in the trash can. I'm one of those disabled by the way. I'm partially hearing impaired because of auditory nerve damage due to an illness as an infant. Research on the regeneration of auditory nerves has been halted because of this interference.

I am thankful that not all religions are conducted in this way. I was overjoyed yesterday to hear from a good friend who is follower of Wicca, a pagan religion that is older than Christianity by millennia. It was through him that I saw the deep love and respect that he and each of those in his circle had for nature, their fellow man and each other. Their marriage ceremony is called a hand-fasting and couples are bound together for one year and one day. Each day the couple is together after that is considered a blessing. I found that very moving. Though I don't practice Wicca myself, I do take away from it the profound sense of the interconnectedness of us all. Too much in this world is about "us" and "them". There is no us and them, only WE. It's amazing that after thousands of years of civilization, many of the human family have yet to learn that lesson. The United Church of Christ is a Christian denomination that does not set itself up as judge and gatekeeper. The Unitarian Universalist Church, while not following a set creed, does advocate the ability of each person to work out their own spiritual journey. I really don't believe there ever was a religion that fits every person. And, I'm glad for that. Having traveled in the world a little I've seen cultures that are very different from my own. They are not better or worse than any other culture, just different. I find that fascinating. Instead of focusing on the differences we have in our beliefs, can we focus on the similarities? Can we learn to share our world?

Citizen Second-Class

I have to stop myself from getting too negative when I read the news. I read stories like this and I wonder if I'll ever be a full citizen in this country. People everywhere seem hell-bent on ensuring that I remain a second class citizen. They argue over rights/liberties that don't affect them. Whenever talking-heads of the media debate same-sex marriage or equal protection under the law for gay citizens I almost never hear real questions that need to be asked. Many on the right say they need to "defend marriage". My question is, defend it from what? After our wedding a few years ago I checked in with our next door neighbors, a heterosexual couple. I asked them if our getting married affected their marriage in any way? They said absolutely not. I asked them if same-sex marriage had been legal in the USA at the time of their wedding, would they have had second thoughts about getting married themselves? Their replied again, absolutely not. There have been no divorces among the neighbors that we know since our wedding. In fact, the son of one couple down the street married last summer. He married in Paris to a French woman. I don't know, maybe he felt he needed to get married in France because the proximity to us would be detrimental to his own relationship? I doubt it.

This young man's French marriage is valid in America, yet our Canadian marriage is not. Most people, I think, don't understand that it's not just a piece of paper. Legal, civil marriage comes with rights and responsibilities. If my spouse (heaven forbid!) fell ill and rushed to the hospital, I have no right to see him. We pay more taxes because we have to file as single people. A 50% inheritance tax would be imposed because we are not related by marriage. Involvement in a law-suit by one of us, means that the other could be compelled to testify against him. And the list goes on and on. Over 1000 rights and responsibilities come with marriage. You can learn more about the issue here.

Leaving all the legal, civil rights and religious stuff aside for a moment, I would love to hear a journalist ask the rabid Christian-right spokespeople: How does this issue affect you personally besides being against your religious beliefs? After all, those of us truly affected live in your neighborhoods now, our children learn in the same schools as yours, and we shop along side you in the grocery store every day. A civil marriage contracts between two people and nobody else. I would certainly never tell the neighbor couple next door that they should not be able to see each other in the hospital or provide health insurance benefits for the other because I don't like their relationship. That idea is ludicrous!

Meanwhile convicted felons marry and I can't. Britney Spears marries in Las Vegas on a lark for 55 hours and then dissolves it. Donald Trump can get married once, twice even three times. Newt Gingrich, the former congressman and "Family Values" Republican gets married, announces divorce to his first wife while she undergoes cancer treatment in hospital, marries again only to divorce his second wife and remarry a third time to a woman rumored to be his lover in an on-going extra-marital affair. Yeah, making me a second-class citizen is very important so we can "defend" the "sacred" institution of marriage.

In the beginning...

Here is where it all begins. I've decided to start this blog to express my own unique point of view on issues very important to me. Number one on that list would be same-sex marriage. It's fitting that I begin the blog now because it was 4 years ago almost to the day that I met my husband. We were married in Vancouver, B.C., Canada a little over 2 1/2 years ago and we currently reside in Portland, Oregon. I've become more and more dissatisfied with the mainstream media (or MSM) coverage of same-sex marriage. You hear a lot of noise and clamor from the right wing opposition and a little here and there from various same-sex marriage activists in the community. You don't hear much from people like me, the ones who this issue really effects, living ordinary lives in extraordinary times.

I've also become appalled at the coverage of the Christianist movement that keeps growing in our country and even in the international community. This movement is also called Dominianism. Click on the links and you'll be taken to good definitions of both. Having come from a fairly religious background and a Christian tradition, I understand a lot more about what Christians feel about their world than they understand how those of us in the gay community feel about ours. Perhaps, in my own humble little way I can enlighten them and they can enlighten me, because, in reality, we all share the same world. Will those I'm talking about even read this blog? Who knows, but I hope so.

Being an avid watcher of current events and a political news junky, you'll probably hear me comment from time to time on those things. I don't want to turn this into a purely political blog as there are some great ones out there already whom you can link to on the right. I'd like to have open comments on my posts so that people can discuss their views as they read mine. I think healthy, honest debate is sorely needed in our democratic republic. Fascism grows in darkness, behind closed doors, flourishing in confusion and does not question our leaders. Healthy debate is good and opposing views are great, however those comments that are threatening or abusive will not be tolerated. Passion is one thing, being a jerk is another.

As I go along I hope to learn and grow. That growth may be reflected in the blog and may change the direction I'm heading. I'll reserve the right to make changes as I go along.