I'm Glad It Was Written...

Once in a while you come across something that, as a writer, you'd wish you'd written yourself. You wish it not out of envy so much as it reflects exactly what you feel. I discovered a blog today written by Arthur Silber called Once Upon A Time. In today's post he has an essay called, "We Are Not Freaks" discussing how it feels to be gay or lesbian in our society.

I agree with Mr. Silber. Unless you are gay, you cannot fathom what it feels like to be gay in our culture, not fully. Inadvertently, many who are sympathetic participate in the same "freak" show mentality that is the debate over gay civil-rights. He hit the nail on the head exactly. I am not an object that you can put on display and say, "Here's a gay man, who calls himself married. What should we do about this and how should it be discussed?" I'm a real person, with feelings and a real stake in the debate that rages on.

While society debates whether I, as a gay man, should have certain civil rights or not, meanwhile I don't have any. While Christianists harp on and on about what they believe and their moral principles, I have to live daily with the fact that if my partner were rushed to hospital, I may not be able to see him. Christianists feel that their religion is being trampled on. I don't see how my existence and my ability to have the same rights and responsibilities they have can prevent them from the practice of their particular brand of worship. They can still believe what they believe, attend the church they attend and spout the same hateful bigotry that passes for loving scripture. They can hate me all they want, but why do they get a say on how I live my life and what rights I have? What makes their religious beliefs more important than mine? My church believes that any couple relationship is a sacred and private matter between that couple. To say they cannot legally be a couple is based on gender violates my church's beliefs. So why is a Christianist church's beliefs more important than mine. Why do they have a bigger voice in public policy than mine?

Once any person's real civil rights have been trampled on, then all of us in our society suffer. ALL of us suffer. The current presidential campaign by former Governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, who happens to be Mormon, is a fascinating example of this. Mr. Romney thinks that because he has proved himself to be the true social conservative Republican candidate he is a shoo in for winning the presidency. Because his current stance on same-sex marriage and abortion issues coincide so closely with evangelical Christians, Mr. Romney thinks he will automatically garner their support. Unfortunately for former Governor Romney, most evangelical Christians view the Mormon church as an evil cult. Evil cults are tolerated about as much, and in some cases less so, than gays or lesbians. He is learning fast, if he hasn't learned already, that projecting your own narrow points of view based on religion onto a democratic society makes for a sticky mess.

So, let's say someday, evangelical Christianity becomes the church of state for the USA, then what? Well, laws could be passed to imprison not only gays, lesbians and women who have abortions, but practicing Mormons, Catholics, Jehovah's Witnesses and many other groups not falling under approved evangelical guidelines. We also get into the problem of which brand of evangelical Christianity is the right one. Many of these groups believe that dancing and listening to popular music is okay under certain guidelines while other believe it is incredibly evil in any form. Many believe that images and symbols of Christ are not to be tolerated as it violates the 4th of Moses' ten commandment. Look at what his commandment says: Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. So what happens to those Christians who have the sympol on their cars? Do they get imprisoned too?

While I was traveling this summer I visited the House of Terror in Budapest, Hungary. This is a holocaust museum that is housed in the actual building that Nazis and later communists used for torturing and murdering those who were deemed dissidents and undesirables. One startling thing I learned is that those who began this governmental office of terror and interrogation were themselves tortured and murdered under the very program they created. The communists took over and began using the same horrible procedures on their Nazi forbears.

Starting down the path of discrimination only leads to more discrimination. You never know which person will be the one in power or the one discriminated against. All I can say is stop it!! Me living my life does not hurt yours in any way. Enacting restrictions on gay and lesbian people or any other minority will never make them go away. It hasn't done it in all the thousands of years of history of the human family.

Thank you Mr. Silber for your essay. I hope many read it and get a small glimpse of how I feel. We are not freaks.

I Heart Gay People!

If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone will want them! ~Author unknown

As you may know, John Amaechi, a NBA player for the Utah Jazz (Utah of all places!) has come out of the closet as an openly gay man. This along with the Snickers snafu created some real dialogue lately about what is and is not bigotry in the mainstream media. Sometimes my frustration rises above what is bearable when I witness the snail-pace that gay civil-rights are changing in this country. Then I remember that it wasn't all that long ago that people in the media would never even say the word gay, especially without a smirk and a nasty joke. My hats off to Mr. Amaechi for his courage in coming out in a very closed, overtly homophobic profession as professional male athletics. It can't be easy, it never is, but he has taken a great step forward for all of us. I wish him well.

Meanwhile, former NBA player, Tim Hardaway, ranted about his own bigotry problems. He said in a recent radio interview:

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people," he said. "I'm homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

I find it very interesting that a African-American man of all people should express this kind of vitriol. I guess when you are a rich athlete you are above all that. He later apologized for his statement, an apology I feel is a bit convenient to make. Especially since the NBA has dropped him from participating in events for the All-Star weekend in Las Vegas. Apparently Hardaway learned the hard way that making locker-room rants as a representative for the NBA you'd better be prepared for the consequences. Hardaway was already in Las Vegas and now has to cool his heels. Thank you NBA for standing up for decency! I'm pleasantly surprised at this

Surprise!

This was written on Friday, February 9, 2007. I couldn't post it then in case it would ruin a surprise I had in the works:

Today I’m flying to Salt Lake City, Utah to visit a friend for the weekend. Due to some rather rough turns of events, this very old (the friendship is old, not the friend, despite both our salt & pepper hair) and dear friend needs some cheering up. His partner and I planned a last-minute surprise visit by me. The surprise on his face will be fun to see.

I’m writing this on board a Delta Airlines Boeing 737 jet. Despite having flown many, many times in my life, I still never get over the thrill of a jet taking off. Even though I understand the physics of it, it still amazes me that a big multi-ton metal tube can be lifted off the ground thousands of feet in the air, hurtling hundreds of miles per hour. I have always wondered what it would be like to go back in time and pluck a person, like my great-great-grandfather who fought in the Civil War, and bring him forward to witness flying machines like this. Maybe he’d think it was some sort of wicked sorcery, cowering in the bathroom in fear! Or, maybe he’d have his nose glued to the window in wonder, watching the scenery go by miles below, tiny mountains and lakes looking like a toy railroad panorama.

If my vision and hearing had been better, I’m sure I would have been a pilot. Traveling anywhere, especially by air, makes me feel like a giddy little kid. Today in the airport waiting area, there was a dad and two kids about 9 and 10. The youngest, a little girl, was so excited to get on board. Every time the gate agents announced a new section boarding, she would jump to her feet and her dad would have to tell her to sit down, it wasn’t time yet. I know that feeling and still have it, though I probably appear to be jaded about the whole thing. Perhaps it’s just as well I can’t be a pilot. I don’t ever want the excitement of travel to go away.

This flight is a puddle jump to me. Now that I’ve gone overseas on 13 hour flights, 2 hours seems like nothing. I remember once flying to Oakland, California and the flight actually had a stop just across the bay in San Francisco. The flight over the bay was less than a 5 minutes and the plane never reached a cruising altitude of more than a few thousand feet. It was odd, but a great way to see San Francisco Bay.

Even if I’ve been somewhere before, I still like to travel there. It’s great to see how other people live and what is changing. I remember the first time I went to Europe, it was amazing to me that life goes on in other places, speaking different languages and experiencing a completely different culture. I suppose that sounds silly. But, until I really experienced a different part of the world, it was easy to get caught up in the idea, that your particular space and time is the only world that exists. You don’t imagine the billions of other people out there, living simultaneously on one planet traveling through Sol’s solar system. I think for insular Americans, it is especially hard to imagine.

Salt Lake City is not one of my favorite destinations. I’d never live there again. I’ve had enough of living in red states. I won’t be making that mistake again. Some of my favorite people in the world live there though. I’ll get to see a few of them this weekend. It will be good to see people I haven’t seen in a few years. I’ve never surprised somebody like this. Some surprises are not much fun, but I think this one will be.

Update 2/12/07: The surprise went off very well. My friend was completely flabbergasted when I walked in the door! I wish I'd had my camera out at the time. It's been a great trip and I got to see a few other friends as well. It was very nice to visit people I haven't seen in a long while.

Marriage is for breeding only!

Many the same-sex marriage opponent has put up the argument that marriage is mainly for the procreation and raising of children. On July 26, 2006 the Washington State Supreme Court, in a near-sighted, cowardly ruling, stated, just this reason for why the state can limit marriage. Never mind that defense of marriage supporters like Pat Buchanan, married since 1971, has never had children. Well, a new group called the Washington Defense of Marriage Alliance is presenting an initiative I-957 which defines marriage under the narrow Washington Supreme Court's ruling. If passed it would:

• add the phrase, “who are capable of having children with one another” to the legal definition of marriage;
• require that couples married in Washington file proof of procreation within three years of the date of marriage or have their marriage automatically annulled;
• require that couples married out of state file proof of procreation within three years of the date of marriage or have their marriage classed as “unrecognized;”
• establish a process for filing proof of procreation; and
• make it a criminal act for people in an unrecognized marriage to receive marriage benefits.

So here is where the opponents of same-sex marriage can put their money where their mouth is. If marriage is all about children and only children, well there oughta be a law. Of course it means that people past child-bearing age would not be able to marry. Also, infertile couples would have to dissolve their marriage. And a couple who have lost a child would no longer be married unless they procreate again. Empty nesters, whose children are no longer dependent, would no longer need marriage right? So their marriage should be dissolved too. But, oh well. It's all about having children. Love and a desire to be linked to someone for the rest of your life are irrelevant. The Christianists should be overjoyed!

While this initiative is not serious, it does illustrate the stupidity of one of the major arguments same-sex marriage opponents throw up in every debate on this issue.

America the Fearful

In a way, I'm glad my Dad died before he could see what is happening to his beloved country. He fought in World War II and very much believed in America and its Constitution. He believed that the freedoms of speech and press were all important. He thought the flag burning debate was silly. While he thought the act of burning the American flag in protest was abhorrent, he felt it was the right of every American to do so if they wished to. He knew that being an American isn't easy. You must protect what people say even if what they say is not what you want to hear.

That's why I get so mad at politicians when they say that if you criticize the president, debate the Iraq war or express the wish to have our troops come home you are emboldening the enemy. I could care less what the enemy thinks. If we are so scared of what the enemies of our country are going to think, then they've already won. Few people realize that terrorism is only successful when people are terrorized. Nothing actually has to happen like a bomb or a plane crashing into a building. If people do what they want just by them laying down a threat, then they've succeeded as a terrorist. One of the greatest journalists of our time (this was back when journalists investigated and reported the news instead of just repeating what people, read White House, tell them), Edward R. Murrow, said, "No one can terrorize a whole nation, unless we are his accomplices."

I was in London just a few months after the tube (what they call their subway) and bus bombings in 2005. I expected the tube trains to be empty and everyone in London very fearful. The reality was, while people were wary, they went about their business as usual. Passengers are reminded constantly over the subway station PA systems and by public service posters to watch for any unattended bags or suspicious behavior but the trains were as crowded as they've always been. I myself discovered a backpack that sat by itself in one of the stations. I alerted a policeman and as it turned out the owner had wandered away for a moment to get a candy bar out of a vending machine and had stopped to talk to a friend. Once the police were satisfied that the bag belonged to someone and was quite harmless, they thanked me for being alert and everyone went about their business. In the U.S. it would have been breathlessly reported on a CNN breaking news bulletin and I probably would have been interviewed by Diane Sawyer. The British, like most Europeans, are very pragmatic about security and safety. They want it just as much as we do, but they also know that there are bad people in the world who will do violent things. You can take precautions and do your best to prevent violence from happening but you still have to live your life.

During that 2005 trip to England, I was invited to a dinner party at the home of a British friend of mine. Being the only American, I was surrounded by mostly British and a few attendees from other European countries. They all questioned me about what Americans really think is happening in Iraq and how in the world did we put a president like George W. Bush into office. I assured them that while Bush won the last election it was only by a slim margin. I also told them that the war in Iraq was increasingly unpopular and becoming more so. They seemed to visualize Americans as overtly religious and paranoid. It was hard but I think I persuaded them that most Americans are just like them, wanting safety, and security and that not all Americans fall into political extremes. I also told them that, for Americans, being attacked on our own soil was a new and very disturbing thing. Terrorist attacks were something that happened in other countries. One party goer quipped, "Well, I guess America had to grow up some time."

But have we really grown? Daily I hear about how some politicians feel we shouldn't debate the president's foreign policy. The so-called journalists lets the White House repeat the old saw of how we should trust them, allow them to spy on other Americans without a warrant or oversight, and torture suspected terrorist so that we can get unreliable information from them. They want us to continue to condone secret interrogation prisons, and holding people without charge for years in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. We're losing our freedoms daily in this country. Hopefully the newly elected Democratic congress will provide some oversight and staunch the bleeding away of civil liberties. We need to openly debate and criticize our leaders actions because they are servants of the American people, and not the other way round. Hopefully we'll become a real democratic republic again and not give in to terror. Still, I'm glad that Dad can't see what a fearful, freedom compromising, world-bully that our country is becoming. It would break his heart.

Homphobes are from Mars...

I was outraged to see an article at AmericaBlog today that Snickers ran a disgusting homophobic commercial during the superbowl. It has two car mechanics who accidentally kiss while eating a candy bar. On the Snickers website they have 4 different endings to the commercial. Each one shows the mechanics jumping away and obviously feeling disgusted. One guy says to the other, "Quick, do something manly." One ending shows them drinking motor oil and antifreeze. Another shows one mechanic trying to attack the other with a wrench and the other guy slams the wrench holder under the hood of a car. Those are just two of the endings. All of them are disgusting. On top of all that, they have a video of various Bears and Colts football players watching the commercials and looking very disgusted at the two men kissing saying things like, "That just ain't right!" They also comment on how funny it was that two men who accidentally kiss harm themselves and each other. The underlying message is that gay people are disgusting and should be beaten up or should harm themselves.

If you find this outrageous, be sure to let Snickers know here and their parent company Mars Inc. can be emailed at contact@policies.mars.com. Spread the word about this horrible commercial and demand that Mars end its support of such bigotry. For those of you straight people who can't see all the fuss look at it this way: what if the commercial were between a black man and a white man accidentally eating each other's candy bar and doing the same violent things. It would not have gone over very well in this country.

Mars Inc. has their 5 principles of success on their website. The second principle reads: "Responsibility - As individuals, we demand total responsibility from ourselves; as associates we support the responsibilities of others." How is it responsible to denigrate gay people via a commercial that promotes homophobia and violence? This is the kind of thing I get so mad about, and it almost never gets covered in the mainstream media.

Update: John at America Blog received a call from Mars/Snickers and they have pulled the homophobic commercials from their website. They have promised him over the phone that they will never air these commercials again. John did note that he had heard from some of his readers who stated that they had seen the commercials on both Comedy Central and Spike TV. We'll see how quickly they respond in pulling these commercials. I hope that Mars/Snickers follows through with their verbal promises.

Mary, Mary Quite Contrary...

Quite the piece of work, the Cheney family. I'm talking specifically about Dick Cheney the Vice President, his wife Lynn and their daughter Mary. I'm sure you've heard the news, that Mary Cheney, an openly lesbian woman, and her partner of 15 years, Heather Poe, are expecting a baby. Mary is the one who is pregnant and it seems that she and her parents are resenting to the media comments and controversy stirred up by thiswondrous event. Mary, as you may know, worked on the Bush/Cheney campaigns and is a staunch Republican and supporter of the Bush administration. This despite the Republicans working with right-wingChristianist groups like Focus on the Family to strip every right that gay and lesbian Americans have.

First Dick Cheney, proud grandpa, rebuffs Wolf Blitzer on CNN when Blitzer brought up the controversy. Mr. Cheney said Blitzer was out of line when asking about the controversy being talked about by evangelical Christians like James Dobson in speaking out against Mary Cheney's pregnancy. Then, with hypocritical, fuzzy logic,Mary dissed Dobson and stated: "This is a blessing from God. It is not a political statement. It is not a prop to be used in a debate by people on either side of an issue."

Well Dan Savage in his blog, SLOG, couldn't have said it better. Like him I have no sympathy for the Cheneys at all. They started this debate by campaigning to ruin the lives of lesbian and gay citizens in this country. In many states they have been successful in enshrining hatred in the form of anti-same-sex marriage amendments to state constitutions. They enabled anti-gay/lesbian laws such as the one in Virginia (Mary Cheney's state of residence by the way) forbidding any contractual agreements between unmarried couples of any gender. This means that Mary's partner, Heather Poe, will have no rights to the child they are having as adoption is forbidden and she would not be able to inherit from Mary or have any legal responsibility for their child. Very ironic.

I agree with Dan also in that Mary put herself in the middle of the debate by working with Repbulicans and allowing the Christianist right-wingers to take over their party. She getting it from both sides. Most people in the gay community are furious at her. She's seen as worse than Bush himself because she is a traitor to us. I feel really sorry for her baby, first being born into that awful family and having to grow up in the nasty environment that his/her mother and grandparents have created for us all. I'd hate to have to explain to this child the role that his family played in making sure that his mothers have no rights toward each other and one mother toward the child. Fostering hate like this has only made it easier for the redneck world to harass, bash and even kill gay/lesbian people. Nothing feels worse than having "faggot" shouted at you or being openly discriminated against. Matthew Sheperd died because of this environment of hatred.

I'm normally a very polite and reserved person but I agree whole-heartedly with EVERY word of Dan Savage's scathing article. Mary Cheney, I blame you especially for being a second-class citizen in my own country. Shame on you for what you've done to our community. I'm sorry your child has to suffer, but you and your family have reaped what you've sewn. You made your bed, now you'll have to lie in it.